Redefining Submissiveness and Structure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a man separate from a female, thus, have an aversion to marry a female because I created relationships within me that I accept and allow the position to dictate who I am as a man in relation to a woman -- instead of realizing that I equal and one with and as females, but it is the relationships that I created with females that create the illusion of how I perceive females as either more-than me or less-than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a man based on how society has defined a man as, and thus, create the image and likeness of me based on the image that society has given a man, and thus, to have an aversion for particular specific attributes that females have because they don't have the same attributes that men have -- of which I, within this, actually make that which I have an aversion for more-than me because I perceived myself separate from that, and thus, I create relationships based on that aversion to try to not become it when I am in-fact, the manifestation of my own aversions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the female as the 'weaker-vessel' because of their pictured-presentation and the attributes of a female that are defined as feminine -- which I separated myself from based on my relationship with my mother and father, and how I developed myself into and as the image and likeness of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for my mom having no backbone growing up, and thus, desire females that appear to be strong-willed and direct in their communications as a point of blaming my mom for me not having no backbone either, instead of realizing the manipulation that I placed myself into and as -- into a relationship that defines who I am as having no backbone -- instead of taking self-responsibility to direct my world and reality, and thus realize, that it's not about having a backbone -- as a depiction of directness, but it is to take self-responsibility within all that I do else, I will be simply manipulating myself within trying to become direct if I had a female partner that was direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that females shouldn't be strong-willed and direct because of the belief that they are suppose to be weak and submissive to men based on the basic feminine construct as being energetically inclined rather than structural in their basic relationships, and thus, see marriage to a female as stepping down from manhood into submissiveness to the female construct of energy as emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the participation within emotions and feelings is the point of reducing oneself into a lesser form of of beingness, and taking this into consideration, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with the definition of females possessing the basic feminine construct as being energetically inclined which I connected to emotions and feelings, and thus connect this relationship association to how and why females have the soft appearance that they do -- as a representation of softness as weakness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship that I created with females (as being weak and submissive) as a point of me being weak and submissive within and as the relationship that I created with my definition of strength and directness -- as only a depiction that depicts the image / personality / ego of a man based on the how a male came to be within this world and reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depict (form into a picture) what strength, and directness looks like, and depict what submissiveness and  weakness looks like within the anatomical structure-formation of the male and female physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define females as soft, and thus, within this see softness as a point of weakness because I connected softness to being submissive rather than seeing, realizing, and understanding that submissiveness is currently defined as the trait of being willing to yield to the will of another person or a superior force etc., and can be redefined as the willing to be equal to and one with that which one resists from the personality / ego perspective that one fights to keep what one believes they have -- as a want / need / desire -- which one yields / gives-in to self-honesty as a point of giving self, the value of self that is best for oneself and all relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define males as structured, and thus, within this see structure as a point of being organized and direct in one's applications in their world and reality instead of realizing the relationship that I created with being structured as a depiction (picture) of a male rather than seeing, realizing, and understanding that structure can in fact be redefined when one accepts and allows themselves to give structure to themselves by restructuring all relationships as words and patterns that one depicts themselves as in relation to self and others by deconstructing the very foundation that one stands for and as, and reconstituting who one is in relation to self and others in a way that is best for all -- as a living principle to bring about ways of living and existing that are the most optimal for all as a whole and the most optimal for the individual life-form equally.

I commit myself to walk the point of submissiveness as the willing to be equal to and one with that which I resist in my world and reality -- that I fight to keep what / who I believe I am -- which I will yield / give-in to self-honesty as a point of giving myself, the value of me that is best for myself and all relationships -- as a point of living for real, rather than hiding behind the depiction of what I defined as dominance within masculinity.

I commit myself to accept and allow myself to give structure to myself by restructuring all relationships as words and patterns that I depict myself as in relation to myself and others by deconstructing the very foundation that I stand for and as (as Leon Perry), and reconstitute who I am in relation to myself and others in a way that is best for all -- as a living principle to bring about ways of living and existing that are the most optimal for all as a whole and the most optimal for myself equally.

Women and Emotions

Within my world and reality, I defined femininity and masculinity as something being used as a point of 'expression' within beings, but what I didn't realize is that what creates masculinity and femininity are predominantly psychological in nature wherein external 'pictures' are used that helps in the creation of how masculinity and femininity are defined. If one looks at a flower, one would say that it would look good on a female, in general, because over the progression of years, specific pictures have been used to shape the definition of gender identity and how it is expressed within the world. Thus, the sum of humanity's judgement to/towards each other through pictures have given rise to a friction, which is a state of conflict between people, that has been stabilized and defined as masculinity and femininity. Albeit all judgment always starts from within. Thus, it was one's self-judgments that gave rise to how one acts and reacts as a male or female with other males and females.

So I procured a belief wherein I changed the integrity of how I exist based on that belief and delved into gender transgression through changing my identity to fit what I thought was the perfect balanced gender identity. I believed the perfect gender was that of a mixture of masculine and feminine qualities. The gender would have the strength of a male, but the 'feminine' characteristics of a female. This point was tacitly developed within/as my involvement with both genders within the world as I subsequently and mathematically developed my 'perfect' gender as a point of self-judgment based on how I judged my own characteristics. I did not initially see that I was actually engineering the perfect gender identity as a point of covering up my own self-dishonesty. The self-dishonest point was changing the structure of my personality as what I believed and perceived myself to be defective within my behaviors and characteristics and changing it into another 'personality' that I thought to be more 'perfected'. But this, I didn't realize was a point of not facing myself, but actually trying to change myself exterior-wise rather than from within -- through self-forgiveness.

Within/as my times growing up, I developed a belief that women are weaker than men, from an emotional perspective because women tend to be slightly more emotionally heightened from my experience around women. I was always hesitant of having a relationship with a female because I never did want to participate in the emotions within a relationship. I didn't understand what we had to be emotional about. I always wanted a relationship wherein we were both clear at all times because emotions and feelings seem to put a veil on what's really going on within the relationship. That's why within my life, I created imaginary girlfriends that were created with little or no emotional qualities.

In men, I found the quality of having opinions about how a man should behave as a 'man, to be a primary weakness in men wherein 'rules' are setup tacitly which defines how a man should behave. Some of these rules are:

1) Men don't cry.
2) Men don't wear pink.
3) Men don't wear dresses.
4) Men don't play with dolls.
5) Men don't have long hair.
6) Men suppose to be rough.
7) Men suppress their emotions.
8) Men don't put their hands on their hips.
9) Men don't have limp wrists.

So men that do not have these characteristics are seen as 'real men' within parts of the male community, but I see it as a weakness because if a man is unable to do one/some/all of these characteristics, it creates a weakness -- as a man becomes defined within/as a specific personality construct called 'masculinity' and becomes a slave to it.

Within the strength of the male, I saw stability and virility, and within the strength of the female, I saw as being unstressed which gives expression to the softness attribute (as femininity). So thus, I fused the strengths of the male and female characteristics together, and became con-fused because I conned myself into believing that what I was doing was real, but was only a belief -- using two fake personalities known as 'the feminine personality' and 'the masculine personality', and fusing them together to create another 'personality' which is just as fake as 'masculinity' and 'femininity'. Until we stop defining ourselves within/as femininity, masculinity, and all personality points, the world will always be a fake place with walking organic robots, called humans, that define themselves as feminine, masculine, or gender variant.

Points I Saw Within This That I Can Direct Through Self -Forgiveness:

• Having an aversion for women because of their emotions
• Judging women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality because of their emotional sensitivity
• Existing within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotion
• Belief that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic'
• Liking women because of their 'unstressed' attitude which gives expression to the softness attribute
• Liking men because of their stability and virility
• Liking to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil)
• Liking to watch movies with men that have feminine attributes (such as Ma Vie En Rose)
• Having an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men should present themselves
• Belief that masculinity and femininity is real and incorporating both characteristics into what I perceive as the 'perfect' gender to fulfill my views that I have about gender identity.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for women because of their emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality because of their emotional sensitivity to themselves and the world instead of realizing that when and as I see myself judging women based on their emotional sensitivity, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this judgment gives me a reason to justify who I am as the mind and how I perceive myself as 'stable' and 'sound' because of me being stoic. I do not accept or allow myself to judge women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality. I do not accept or allow myself to support the personality of being 'stoic' as a polarity of being emotional. This is not best for me because I remain enslaved to the polarity of emotions and no emotions, and this is not best for all because it creates a world of polarity wherein relationships are allowed to exist within/as point of 'abuse' in which we use to justify our ego. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions instead of realizing that having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions exists because I have not forgiven the point of me existing within the point of perceiving myself 'more than' women because of me perceiving myself as stable. When and as I see myself existing in this judgment, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this, gives me a reason to feel 'special' within judging women as 'less than' because they are seemingly 'more emotional' than me and thus judging me as 'more than' because I am 'less emotional'. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the point of perceiving myself 'more than' women because of me perceiving myself as more 'stable' because of lack of emotions. I do not accept or allow myself to feel 'special' within judging women as 'less than' because they are seemingly 'more emotional' and judging me as 'more than' because I am 'less emotional'. This is not best for me because it allows me to feel special as the personality in which I diminish the integrity of who I am based on the desire to be special as feeling 'in control' of things. This is not what is best for all because it supports the point of 'specialness' to exist as a form of deception wherein specialness is allowed to be sold as a polarity point of being 'more than' which perpetuates friction within the world. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic' instead of realizing that when and as I see myself believe that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this belief gives me a sense of control as the 'personality' being in control rather than 'me' in control. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within 'control' and 'no control'. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the definition of being 'stoic' or being 'emotional'. This is not best for me because I depend on a personality point as being 'stoic' to give me a sense of control'. This is not best for all because it allows a world to exist that is dependent on something or someone in which the 'collective' is controlled by. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' women because of their seemingly 'unstressed' attitude which gives 'expression' to what I perceive as their 'softness' attribute (as femininity) instead of realizing that the softness of a female is a personality construct that I perceive in separation of/as who I am. When and as I see myself existing within 'liking' women because of an attribute that I perceived myself 'separate' from, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a purpose to seek out femininity as what I believe is an expression in order to become fulfilled, and also to see women and to desire relationships with them in separation -- in order to fulfill the point of femininity within/as me. I do not accept or allow myself to 'like' women because of their 'unstressed' attitude which gives expression to what I perceive as their 'softness' attribute (as femininity). I do not accept or allow myself to form a purpose to seek out femininity as what I believe is an expression in order to become fulfilled because of the belief that I am not fulfilled if I am not able to express feminine traits or have a relationship with a female that is feminine. This is not what is best for me because within existing within likes and dislikes, I create a personality based on that like as I exist in separation from what is here (which is not conformed to what I 'like' and what I 'dislike'). This is not best for all because it creates a world based on relationships of liking and disliking -- specializing a being as more than another being thus creating friction within/as the world as a 'system' of warfare. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' men because of their stability and virility instead of realizing that stability and virility is who I am in every moment of breath not defined within/as masculinity. When and as I see myself 'liking' men based on their stability and virility, I stop; I breathe; I let go, and realize that supporting the point of liking men exists because of their stability and virility gives me a way to specialize men as 'more than', and to 'like' that point because they appear to have more 'control' over themselves -- instead of realizing that the actual point of perceiving men in control of themselves is because I have separated myself from stability and virility, and specialized men from women based on their physical and chemical makeup because I have not taken responsibility to direct the point of control one and equal, but have externalized it into/as definitions and 'images' separate from me -- thus becoming possessed by what it means to be stable and virile in the world. I do not accept or allow myself to 'like' men because of their stability and virility. I do not accept or allow myself to specialize men as 'more than' based on their perceived stability and virility. This is not best for me because I limit myself to an 'observation' that is constructed and birthed from self-judgment. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on judgment. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with women that have masculine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with women that have or portray masculine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as my expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with women that have or portray masculine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that seemingly defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within/as gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with men that have feminine attributes (such as Ma Vie En Rose) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with men that have feminine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with men that have or portray feminine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as my expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with men that have or portray feminine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that seemingly defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within/as gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with women that have masculine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with women that have or act with masculine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as an expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with women that have or act with masculine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men, in general, should present themselves instead of realizing that I have placed myself 'less than' that judgment as the reaction that I formed with it. When and as I see myself having an aversion for someone based on their judgments about someone else, I stop; I breathe, I let go, and realize that supporting this point gives me a reason to have an aversion as a point that I have given 'life' to -- to move me. I do not accept or allow myself to have an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men, in general, should present themselves. This is not best for me because I allow myself to continue to participate in desire and aversion based on placing myself as 'less than' that which I have formed a relationship to in separation. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world based on desire and aversion as points that become the 'flow' of deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masculinity and femininity is real and thus to incorporate both characteristics into what I perceive as the 'perfect' gender to fulfill my views that I have about gender identity.

Is She a Man or a Woman?

On October 17th 2011 in Facebook, I saw a picture of Grace Jones. I introduced a question if she (Grace Jones) is a man or a woman because I looked at the picture and liked it because here is a female that is expressing shades of masculinity and femininity together. An answer was given that she is a physical body -- signifying that it’s just a picture presentation.

I was then asked questions, "Is the 'Grace Jones' personality real?" and "What did I connect to the picture of Grace Jones?" I re-membered a time in the past where I was looking at the word 'androgyne¹' in Wikipedia and saw Grace Jones' picture as one on a list of contemporary trends of androgynes.

The question that I pose on myself is why did I react within such questions being asked? It is when I was asked if the Grace Jones personality is real after seeing a picture of Grace Jones and becoming mesmerized by it. The underlying point within all of this is the point of transgressing gender conformity within polarity. It 'excites' me to see a person that is transgressing gender conformity and playing around with gender identity. Because within that, is a point of redefining what it means to be masculine or feminine. But within all of the gender play, is still a point of limitation within the spectrum of gender identity because in order to transgress gender identity takes a conformity of gender roles to transgress them, in a sense, to create the appearance that one is defying gender laws. This, in turn, creates definitions such as transgender², genderqueer³, third-gender⁴, two-spirit⁵, gender-bender, pangender⁶, androgynous, etc.

If we are able to look at the word 'gender' in the dictionary, gender is the properties that distinguish organisms on the basis of their reproductive roles. As a simplistic example, a male has a penis, and a female has a vagina, but if everyone looks the same (had no penis nor a vagina), then there wouldn't be a polarity point to transgress. So it is within the point of the physical characteristics that births deterministic factors of what makes a male a male and a female a female according to the mind.

But if we are able to see, that the physical is expressing itself simplistically as the physical form that it is. It is simply the mind that differentiates one form from another through comparing that form with its perceived opposite. This is all how gender identity thus creates the point of 'transgenderism' as its polarity opposite. So how does one actually express one's own gender? It is simplistically to realize that Self is expressing itself as the breath within/as the form whether it's male or female -- thus not to conform within the form in separation through gender conformity (everything that makes a man a man or a woman a woman according to the mind) and gender transgression (everything that rebels those points according to the mind), but to realize that Self is equal and one as all that exists.

It is to also release Self from all points that Self perceives as what makes masculinity masculinity and femininity femininity. It is through the media wherein the feminine form is manipulated through cosmetics and then thus clinging to that definition of femininity through makeup, lipstick, the particular hairstyle and apparel that is defined as 'feminine', etc. And then through transgenderism, one is able to take that definition and manipulate the illusion of femininity and masculinity as a form of transgressing gender altogether. Thus, transgenderism becomes a different dimension of the mind within gender identity.

So therefore, we can redefine transgenderism as 'breath expression' -- realizing that Self is not defined by being neither cisgender⁷ or transgender. Within breath expression, I am 'here'. I am all genders; I am no gender; I am the awareness of my 'breath' -- and it is within the awareness of me as the 'breath' that one realizes the stability of who they are. The 'breath' can be used as a stability point within breathing -- realizing that by being aware of the breath, as me, one is able to stabilize their existence as the breath in every event -- to not participate / react to the event in separation through the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, but instead, become the event as the breath. Within being aware of the breath, as me, one directs Self to remain stable in every moment -- in/as the event to not conform to the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions. Thus when one conforms to the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, one becomes the event in separation -- creating new definitions of Self as the mind in separation -- such as being cisgender or transgender because of how one perceives Self in separation to the experience that one experienced -- defining the experience as 'more than', thus, defining Self as 'less than' through ones own self-definitions that one has created as a 'balance point' -- thus not seeing / realizing that Self is all life 'here' as the 'breath' -- as all life -- as both polarities equal and one.

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androgyne¹: referring to the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics
transgender²: a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies to vary from culturally conventional gender roles
genderqueer³: a catch-all term for gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary and heteronormativity
third-gender⁴: individuals who are categorized (by their will or by social consensus) as neither man nor woman, as well as the social category present in those societies who recognize three or more genders
two-spirit⁵: describes Indigenous North Americans who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups
pangender⁶: a term used to describe people who feel that they do not fit into binary genders, instead identifying as mixed gender (both male and female), or all gender labels altogether
cisgender⁷: an adjective used to describe an individual that conforms to the 'normal' gender roles of their 'assigned' gender